“Wonder Why” is the screen name of a woman who routinely posts to Dr. Irene’s “The Friendship Blog“.
I think “Wonder Why” and I began posting to Dr. Irene’s “Friendship Blog” about the same time, in the fall of 2011.
If I recall correctly, “Wonder Why” said in some of her first posts that she cannot understand why she has a hard time making friends or keeping friends.
“Wonder Why” recently turned 40 years old, is not married, and has gone through some kind of realization that she deserves to be treated better by people, so she began ruthlessly pruning friends from her life who she believes treat her shabbily.
I’ve no problem with any of that. More power to her if she’s taking charge of her life and is not permitting people to use her, treat her with disrespect, and so forth. Good for her.
I even felt a little sorry for “Wonder Why” months ago when she seemed to indicate that she is lonely and does not know how to make or keep friends.
About a month ago, I left her a reply where I was honestly trying to help her.
I do not think “Wonder Why” realizes how she comes across to people. If she behaves in “real life” the way she does on Dr. Irene’s “Friendship Blog,” it’s no mystery to me why she is having a hard time making friends or keeping the few she has.
My honest assessment here, and I’m not saying this to be cruel, is that “Wonder Why” more often than not put forth a very aggressive, rude, bitter, hostile, angry personality at the blog, and I don’t think she even realizes it.
Or, maybe she suspects it but does not care to change.
“Wonder Why” is extremely judgemental towards other people, almost always assumes the worst of them, attributes negative motives to them when there may not be a need to, and she is unwilling to cut her friends slack for having flaws and making mistakes.
“Wonder Why” mentioned she had a friend of so many years who was a hoarder, and the hoarder friend would sometimes fall asleep on dinner dates, or show up late.
“Wonder Why” said she had enough of this, thought the woman’s living conditions were disgusting, and thought it was the height of insult the woman would show up late to movie dates.
“Wonder Why” says she phoned the hoarder woman friend up one day and chewed her out royally over the phone for at least 30 minutes. (I think she may have said she chewed the woman out on other occasions, too, I don’t remember.)
Would anyone here reading this honestly want to stay friends with someone who phones them up and screams at them, and nit picks at them for 30 minutes or more? Neither would I.
I want to emphasize I have no problem with someone confronting a friend and letting them know their tardiness or whatever is a problem, but one does not have to go about it in such a rude, mean, overblown, hostile fashion, but this seems to escape “Wonder Why’s” mind.
On another occasions, “Wonder Why” expressed anger at other women over incidents I thought were trivial.
I don’t recall the exact details, but one incident had to do with a woman who would not meet “Wonder Why” for coffee after extending a coffee invite, and another woman who would not permit her inside her home one day.
Both incidents caused “Wonder Why” to become furious, which I could not understand. I can understand feeling a little miffed by either scenario, but not completely infuriated.
I notice that “Wonder Why” was posting to Dr. Irene’s blog and forum almost daily or weekly for months.
I had cut back my participation myself. I went from posting daily to about once a month, or once every two months.
I did additional reading about codependency awhile back and learned that it is a deeply ingrained habit of codependents to want to give advice to other people (they feel almost compelled to do so), and some of them become angry when, or if, others do not take that advice. All of that describes “Wonder Why’s” behavior perfectly.
“Wonder Why” was frequently posting to “The Friendship Blog,” giving advice constantly to other people, and she would appear to get quite angry, offended, or frustrated if other people would not take her advice or agree with it.
That, combined with her new sense of wanting to now possess a willingness (where there was not one before) to confront friends for perceived slights, make me think that “Wonder Why” realized that she’s codependent too, and that she is trying to fight it.
When I gave “Wonder Why” some links about codependency about a month or two ago, and pointed out to her that it might be hurting her to post at Dr. Irene’s blog as often as she was, I was sincerely trying to help her.
By the way, before I return to that topic, it’s hypocritical for “Wonder Why” to accuse me of “thread jacking” with my posts about codependency (as she did in a few posts), when she has the tendency to turn almost every post another person makes all about her or her friendship problems.
Because “Wonder Why” has, she feels, been treated disrespectfully by friends in her own life, she assumes that almost every woman who writes in to that site must surely be responsible for the deteriorating friendship they’re writing in for advice about.
“Wonder Why” will therefore harangue, scream at, and brow beat many women who post there, from the very moment they leave a post.
I’m sure most of these women who write in are largely innocent, but “Wonder Why” immediately jumps in and assumes they are guilty and commences with lecturing them on what they did wrong.
About three or four days ago, I got an e-mail from another member of Dr. Irene’s “Friendship Blog” (let’s call this person “Harriet” – not her real name) who told me a big fight broke out at the forum the other day, which is why I went there today to visit to see what was going on.
I had not been to that site in about three or four weeks until today (January 30, 2012).
While I was at “The Friendship Blog” and skimming over various forums (link: The Friendship Blog’s Forum) and threads, that was when I found a particularly disgusting, atrocious, thread, begun by “Wonder Why,” the sole purpose of which, under the guise of requesting a forum moderator (as Dr. Irene’s blog has no moderator), was to mention me by screen name there and insult me repeatedly.
But it did not stop there; several other people, most of whom are cowards who post under the default name “Anonymous” (they will not use normal screen names) all piled on to insult me in the comment section of that thread.
“Wonder Why” also jumped in to bash me and run me down some more.
Please bear in mind I had not been to that blog or forum in about a month. I had visited one day in early January 2012.
I had stayed off that blog and forum for all of November 2011 and all of December 2011, if I remember right.
I do definitely remember taking a two month break from “The Friendship Blog” at some point recently.
I was surprised to log in today to see an entire thread (begun by “Wonder Why”) which seems to exist mainly for the purpose of insulting, bullying, and smearing me.
In that thread, “Wonder Why” said,
For example, the registered poster EagleWings who clearly wants to diagnose me and others who disagree with her posts, as codependent personalities, who also wants to post articles about codependency when its unsolicited and not relevant to the conversation thread.
It is entirely relevant, because “Wonder Why” exhibits several codependent characteristics – along with extreme anger, hostility, and bitterness, which is why she will never be able to make friends.
Instead of speaking to me directly, “Wonder Why,” with that very thread she began, engaged in the classic codependent tactic of being passive aggressive and complaining about me to a third party (the other members, the blog owner).
I also pointed out to her in a post in that thread today,
You have my e-mail address, as I leave it at the bottom of many of my posts; why did you not contact me in private about this, and /or contact Irene in private? You really find it necessary to drag my name up in public?
Why these catty women insist on being passive aggressive and will not speak to me directly on that forum/blog or e-mail me to try to resolve issues with me is beyond me. I suspect they are cowards.
Most women at that forum and blog prefer to talk amongst themselves about me (even when I’m not there for weeks on end), but not try to work out a compromise by speaking with me. It’s very immature, catty, bulllying like behavior, and Irene, who owns the blog and forum, basically refuses to put a halt to the it.
I went from feeling a tad sympathetic to this “Wonder Why” person for her loneliness and lack of friends to now having next to no sympathy.
She refuses to take responsibility for her own actions, or from taking steps to improve herself and prefers to take constructive criticism the wrong way and bully someone (me) on a blog/forum.
If you go through life judgmental, bitter, and angry as she appears to do, you are going to repel people, not attract them. She is her own enemy, not me.
I have to give “Wonder Why” huge credit for at least posting under the same screen name at “The Friendship Blog” consistently; most of the cowards there post with the name “Anonymous.”
However, “Wonder Why’s” other behavior, particularly creating a thread for the primary purpose of harassing another member (me), is totally unacceptable.