Dumping A Friend – do you owe her an explanation

Part 2

BEING DUMPED BY A FRIEND – should you explain why you’re dumping? The Great Controversy

The question “Why, why did my friend of five (or ten/ twenty) years dump with me no explanation?!” surfaced a lot at “The Friendship Blog”, and it began a few debates.

Most of the women at “The Friendship Blog” think if you break up with a friend, you should always tell the friend exactly why you’re doing so.

I was dumped quite a bit by friends growing up, and I’ve broken up with a few, so I’ve experienced both situations.

When I was younger, it used to bother me to be dumped with no explanation, now that I’m older, it doesn’t bother me as much.

I could not get the people at that blog to realize that being dumped should not paralyze you, and you should not permit it to do so.

You should not dwell on being dumped for months or months, or to the point it’s prohibiting you from living and enjoying life.

Being dumped is no reflection on you or your worth. You have value whether or not your friend remains your friend or chooses to stop having anything to do with you.

So what if your friend of 5, 10, or 20 years broke up with you? Allow yourself to cry over it for a few weeks, maybe a couple of months, but move on already. You’re only hurting yourself by dwelling on it week after week.

I saw women on that blog who were still getting worked up over having been dumped by a friend a year, or over three or four, years ago.

I totally get feeling a pang of sadness even 10, 30, or 50 years after thinking about being dumped by a friend with no reasons given, but I’m talking about some women who are absolutely immobilized by it.

Their entire happiness was dependent on this person accepting them and being in their life.

One woman at “The Friendship Blog” said in one thread ‘the dumping’ took place about four years ago, and she’s spent every day since laying in bed with the shades drawn crying about it.

That does not sound good or healthy to me, but did anyone in that thread encourage her to get help, to move on? Oh no, they just said “poor you, you poor dear.”

I was one of the few who said she sounds like she’s in deep trouble and may want to see a therapist, as spending three or four years still wounded from a friendship break up sounded very extreme.

For saying that, I was shouted down and people told me I’m cruel. I guess I’m supposed to prefer knowing this woman will spend the rest of her life curled up in a fetal position in a dark room somewhere?

So I take it ten, twenty, thirty years from now, she will still be in that bed, crying, and meanwhile, life has passed her by, and that is just fine with the other women who post to that blog and forum.

The literature says most people take roughly two to three years to begin recovering from the death of a family member.

Death is far, far sadder, far more traumatic, and obviously more permanent than a friendship break up, and one always has the chance of making a new friend. (I had to endure the death of someone very close to me, so I speak from experience.)

If someone can begin recovering from a death after three years, I have a hard time wrapping my head around someone who is still moping around four years after a friendship breakup.

Being dumped and rejected is a part of life.

You will grow apart from, or be rejected by, friends, boyfriends, bosses, neighbors, and everyone else as you go through life, at one time or another.

I’ve seen so many therapists and psychologists even mention all these things (I’ve learned it through first hand life experiences), and yet, when I mentioned these facts of life at that site, I got yelled at, accused of being mean, hostile, a troll, etc.

It’s utterly amazing to me how so many women are unwilling or afraid to face reality and want to remain trapped in the despair and hopelessness.

I guess they prefer weeping into their pillow night after night ruminating on why their friend dumped them rather than healing and moving past it and enjoying life once more.

Many of these women are choosing to remain in misery. You have to make a decision to leave that place of despair, and it does take a little work or effort.

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