Singles and Friendship

There are several very good essays in the Living Single blog at Psychology Today about what it’s like to be never married or single and how that impacts friendships in this blog about singleness.

Some of the essays talk about how older (as in over 30 – 35 years old singles) often get left out of invitations by married couples and ignored.

I do not agree with all views in all essays at the site, but some are interesting.

Here are a few of the essays (all are by Dr Bella DePaulo):

Ditched by Friend Who Got Married: Can You Relate?

What Friends Know That Others Don’t

Do Married Couples Slight Their Family Members as Well as Their Friends?

Family Talk and the Dissing of Friends and Community: Part 3 of Singles with No Kids

Slighting Friends and Family: Do Couples Become Less Couple-y Over Time?

Single Women in 1960s and 1970s TV: What Should We Make of Their Relationships?

Falling In And Out of Friendship

Missing the Point of Friendship and Single Life

The Pain of Being Excluded Because You are Single

Do You Have a Council of Friends?

Oh The Irony – still going strong at The Friendship Blog forums

Please be sure to read the most important post at this blog:
A Warning About The Friendship Blog – Toxic – Unfriendly Bullied Bullies Trolls Dr Irene S Levine

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I dropped by ‘The Friendship Blog’ set of forums not too long ago (this is the first time in months) and am amused by the irony I am seeing.

One woman wrote in one of those very long, meandering posts I wrote of earlier (and it’s only a part 1; I can only surmise there is a part two somewhere else on the forum).

The heading of this person’s post? “Ganged Up On.”

Ah yes, myself and a couple of other ladies were ganged up upon by regular members of that very blog.

We were called names, judged, subjected to “mean comments,” etc, all of which makes these newer posts at The Friendship Blog’s forums ironic too:

Friend Made Mean Comments

Judgmental Friends

Have I Been A Jerk?, a post by NYCity12.

Oh, NyCity12, you funny thing you. You’re actually asking a group that is comprised of 98% of jerks if you have been a jerk?

And this dear woman, ajnaT,  is asking a group which consists of 98 – 99% of bullies, about how to deal with bullies? Good luck with that.

Bullying Tactics

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PSYCHOLOGY TODAY PUBLISHED MY POST

As an aside, I am happy to see that the moderators at ‘Psychology Today’ approved of my post where I gave a warning about The Friendship Blog.

My comment appeared on the page about Angelina Jolie.

The comment page to that article: page link

My post specifically: my post on Psychology Today

Yep, Wonder Why is a Codependent

Please be sure to read the most important post at this blog:

A Warning About The Friendship Blog – Toxic – Unfriendly Bullied Bullies Trolls Dr Irene S Levine

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I visited the Friendship Blog’s set of forums today (first time in a few months), and I see that “Wonder Why” is still posting there. She really does feel compelled to hand out advice – classic sign of codependency.

Highly amusing is that in a post called ‘Have I Been A Jerk?,’ this person posing the question (“NYCity 12”) got advice from “Wonder Why,” who is one of several, well, jerks, who posts at The Friendship Blog.

Wonder Why’s post in reply: Friendship and Business Don’t Mix.

Wonder Why is one of the more pushy, judgmental, obnoxious members there, who is making what sounds like a clinical diagnosis of other people she’s never met, an activity which she screams at other people for allegedly doing on that blog.

Wonder Why’s post referred to above is date stamped May 17th, 2012. Goodness, she is still posting there, giving advice?

Here’s another reply she gave in another thread date stamped May 12, 2012.

And a thread created May16, 2012 by Wonder Why: Toxic Friend check list.

Wonder Why needs a “Codependent Checklist – Am I Codependent?,” so she can be informed of points such as the following and recognize herself on the list:

  • If I spend most every day or every week at a friendship advice blog constantly dispensing advice, instead of just minding my own business most of the time and living my own life, I am probably codependent | (Source: Eagle Wings, who has read many blogs and a few books by licensed psychologists about codependency);
  • I feel the best about myself when I am giving advice and/or handling a crisis situation. (source);
  • Have a long history of focusing your thoughts and behavior on other people. (source);
  • Are outwardly focused towards others, and know very little about how to direct your own life from your own sense of self. (source);
  • Symptoms of Codependents: S/He feels compelled to help that person solve their problem – Controlling Behaviors: codependents try to control events and people through … threats, advice-giving, manipulation, or domination.
  • Codependency personality disorder is a condition in which a person focuses only living through or for another person, attempting to control the actions of others, attempting to “fix” others (source);
  • [more] symptoms involve fixing or controlling others instead of facing internal pain, and failing to recognize the disease in oneself (source);
  • An “expert” in knowing best how things should turn out and how people should behave, the codependent person tries to control others through overt or covert threats, coercion, compulsive advice giving… (source);
  • the person who is codependent will often give advice without being asked, or will attempt to tell others how they “should” be behaving or feeling. If the other person does not take the advice, the person who is codependent will often feel angry and rejected (source)