The Cess Pool That Is The Friendship Blog / False Accusation

Please be sure to read the most important post at this blog:
A Warning About The Friendship Blog – Toxic – Unfriendly Bullied Bullies Trolls Dr Irene S Levine

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A former fellow “Friendship Blog” member e-mailed me recently (again) to tell me to go take another look at the Friendship Blog, at one thread specifically, which I did.

(I discovered on that follow-up visit to the Friendship blog and forum that Dr. Irene Levine made a false accusation about a poster (me), which I discuss towards the end of this post.)

Here was the thread this person wanted me to look at, which is a thread begun by member Wonder Why (see also: Yep, Wonder Why is Codepdendent):

40s and full of acquaintances but no really close friends

The person who e-mailed me thinks Wonder Why sounds nutty in that thread.

The things that struck me about her main post and her follow up posts are as follows:

This post is about identical to an old one she made in the fall or winter of 2011 at Dr. Irene’s Friendship Blog; she already said months ago she’s in her 40s, is unmarried, lonely, can’t seem to make friends, and is frustrated by her perceived lack of success in life. Here she is in a post dated May 7, 2012, saying the same things.

In the comment field below her post, Wonder Why gets flamed, and yes, trolled, by several people who are posting as “Anonymous.”

Wonder Why also displays more codependent behavior, in that she still cares way too much about what other people think about her. Here’s another example:

In the original post she says,

    “But when I tell people this decision to drop out and pursue full-time work in a few different fields, I feel like people hide their negative opinions of me behind polite smiles and excuses.”

It should not bother her to that degree if her friends don’t approve of or like her career or educational decisions. If she is still this consumed by other people’s opinions about her life decisions at age 41, she is very likely codependent.

I can’t quite tell if the first ‘Anonymous’ person to suggest that ‘Wonder Why’ join an Occupy Movement group was serious or trolling; that’s hard to say. However, after she replied to that person, the additional responses she got to that by other Anonymous people were most definitely trolling her.

I warned Wonder Why several months ago, before I took a two month break from the blog, that her constant posting to that blog was not helping her and may even be hurting her.

Not only was Wonder Why posting about her problems in life, but she kept giving advice to other people who wrote the blog members for advice. I suspect she is codependent.

Months ago, before I left the Friendship Blog/Forum for a two month break, I recommended some links and books for her on the subject I thought she would find useful.

I was actually trying to help her, but for some reason I don’t understand, my suggestion only made Wonder Why angry.

I only saw that my attempt at help made Wonder Why angry once I visited the forum again, where I discovered that in my two month absence, she had made an entire thread (located here) insulting me, and she joined in with the bitchy women in the comments field who were insulting me too.

I notice in her six plus months of posting at the Friendship Blog, Wonder Why’s situation has not changed or improved. She even says in one of her posts on that page (“Hi Sarah. I blame some of my” (posted on May 21, 2012)):

    I see everyone’s life around me progressing forward while I sit and remain stuck in a holding pattern that my life has become…. I did waste a LOT of time spinning my wheels

And how does continually posting at The Friendship Blog about the same problems over and over for over six months help you to change course, or get “unstuck”? It doesn’t.

(I told Wonder Why around Decemeber 2011 or January 2012 that constant posting at that site wouldn’t be of much help to her, and I was right about that.)

If Wonder Why was looking for sympathy at that blog and not actual advice on how to get ‘unstuck’ in her life, that’s not worked out either, since the trolls and real posters (many of whom who are bitchy) left posts for her ranging in tone from mean-spirited and catty, to exasperated, impatient and cranky, such as…

Interesting Contradiction, by Anonymous

It finally gets to the point where “Wonder Why” finally experiences what myself and several others have in the past: many, but not all, of the people who post under the name “Anonymous” at the Friendship Blog are trolls, or are regular posters who take hateful pot shots at other people hiding under the “Anonymous” name.

Here is a link to Wonder Why’s post where she discusses the problems with Anonymous posters:
Hi Jacqueline, I agree with

Here’s a few quotes from that post by Wonder Why:

    “I have no idea if the Anonymous posters are separate people or the same person. I posted a response to Irene to remind them again to stop posting antagonizing posts.

    I refuse to engage with them as they seem to be looking for an argument – something that an internet troll does – post inflammatory, off-topic messages (like the You Should Join Occupy, etc. ) which are extraneous and meant to try to provoke an emotional response from me and disrupt the normal on-topic discussion about my original post. I do think the Anonymous posters are internet trolls. I only hope Irene can see that as well.

    Trolls are very common in online discussion forums and unfortunately Irene’s Friendship Blog is vulnerable to them as well.”

Welcome to the club, Wonder Why! I was trolled horribly there, as were one or two other people who left (they e-mailed me to tell me about it). If not trolled, as I said, some of the “real” posters use the cover of the “Anonymous” screen name to insult other posters.

Here is how some of the “Anonymous” people react to being called out of their abuse under the ‘Anonymous’ name:

“anonymous posters are trolls” ??? !!! ???, by Anonymous

    On May 24th, 2012 Anonymous said:
    “You’re saying “anonymous posters are trolls.” That’s a HUGE segment of the population that comments on the friendship blog. So you’re saying this blog comprises mainly of trolls? You’re saying if some lonely, hurting soul who finds this blog and posts something, but doesn’t suit up, log in, and choose a “name” but for ease and anonymity uses “anonymous” is a troll? Really??
    How about the hundred or so people who have written in with senior citizen heartaches, lost jobs, income, health, and with all that friends, too. Are they trolls because they didn’t write in with some made-up name??
    REally? My my my.
    That leaves about a handful of you who aren’t trolls.
    What a silly, senseless, mean comment you’ve made. Think about your words, dear. Think about how it hurts people to trash them for something STUPID like using “anonymous.” “

Actually, Anonymous, Wonder Why is correct, at least on that issue.

Most of the people at the Friendship Blog and Forum, especially the ones who post as “Anonymous,” are trolls – or some are “real” posters, but they believe posting as ‘Anonymous’ gives them cover or excuse to act like total rude bitches to other people.

And they’re right about that so far, as the blog owner, Dr. Irene S. Levine, does NOTHING to stop this hideous behavior.

Anyway, if Wonder Why was looking for sympathy at the blog for her problems, she is at the wrong blog. Here are more catty or impatient replies she received:

So when someone pats you, by Anonymous

I do agree with this comment by that poster, which is what I basically told Wonder Why several months ago:

    find a way to accept your life or do something to fix it. posting over and over is not living.

From another Anonymous poster to Wonder Why:

Therapy Isn’t Working

Quotes from that by an Anonymous poster (I thought this was rather harsh, but there was a grain of truth to it – not the part about Wonder Why being a troll, but the rest of it):

    And you’ve been posting here for YEARS on an almost daily basis. You’re spinning your wheels all right.

    I think at this stage it’s only reasonable to conclude that you are troll, but you don’t know it. You constantly seek attention and sympathy on this blog, which is what trolls are all about. No wonder it’s only newer posters who reply to your posts anymore. The old guard has grown tired of your recycled dramas.

This next post seems like a bonified troll post, someone who was keeping the pot stirred:

hullo to ‘therapy isn’t working’ by Anonymous

And a few posts down, Wonder Why says something that myself and one or two others have said before, months ago:

Hi Jacqueline: Don’t respond

    On May 24th, 2012 WonderWhy said:
    Hi Jacqueline: Don’t respond to the Anonymous posters because that’s what they want. That’s why they keep posting inflammatory comments. I’m ignoring their posts at this point. I agree with you that Irene should do something to the forums to make everyone have to register a username as Anonymous posters can post multiple times and “flame” threads” the way these Anonymous posters (or poster, for all we know) continues to.

Here’s where Wonder Why got extremely hypocritical:

It’s totally inappropriate

Quote by Wonder Why:

    On May 22nd, 2012 WonderWhy said:
    It’s totally inappropriate to use a Friendship blog to push your own political agenda with Occupy. Occupy is irrelevant HERE. This is a forum about friendship. Please don’t pollute my thread any further with Occupy chatter. Otherwise I will email Irene and ask her to block you.

But Wonder Why had no problems what- so- ever using that forum and blog to harass me (she made this abusive post about me a few months ago (“This Forum Needs a Registered Moderator“), and the blog owner refused to remove it, even after I asked her to).

So, Wonder Why thinks it’s suitable to use a forum or a blog to erect a thread bashing one specific person (me), but all the sudden, she cries foul when a few people tell her she ought to join the Occupy Movement?

At one point in this thread at that forum, someone under the name “Anonymous” (probably Wonder Why) left a post asking the blog owner, Irene, to please get the discussion on track and stop the trolling (“Irene Please Post To“), and he or she got this most unhelpful, oblivious response from Irene:

Reply to Wonder Why from Irene

    On May 22nd, 2012 Irene said:

    “Hi Wonder Why,

    I agree that this blog is focused on friendship rather than politics but I think the poster really intended to make a suggestion he/she thought might be helpful.

    Try not to react defensively and let it drop and I think the discussion will cease.

    Thanks for your understanding and for bringing it to my attention.

    Best, Irene”

I could have told Wonder Why that appealing to Irene’s sense of fairness, or trying to educate Irene on what trolling is, would be futile, but she gave this valiant attempt never the less:

Irene Please Read (a post by Wonder Why begging Irene, the blog owner, to please put a halt to the abuse and trolling)

Irene again shows a complete lack of understanding and caring about the abuse that goes on at her blog under the “Anonymous” screen name (or other names); here was Irene’s reply to Wonder Why about the abuse she was undergoing on Irene’s site:

Anonymous posters, etc. – From Irene

Here was a quote or two from that post by Irene (this is not the full post):

    On May 25th, 2012 Irene said:

    “Everyone has the option of posting anonymously here. I made that decision so there would be one less hurdle for those who come here to vent their problems and/or express their opinions.

    ….This site is really a laboratory for getting along with others. If an individuals finds him/herself attcked all the time, they need to look at their role in that, too.”

So Dr Irene views her forum and blog as a “laboratory”? As a place where people get abused, even though they are civil in their replies and have honestly tried to help other people, and she enjoys seeing how women get abused when they visit her blog?

Is her Friendship blog and forum one big experiment to see how online harassment plays out?

As for this comment Irene made to Wonder Why:

    “If an individuals finds him/herself attcked all the time, they need to look at their role in that, too.”

That is a complete cop-out and avoidance of responsibility on Irene’s part.

While “Wonder Why” has displayed a tendency often to get angry easily, she was clearly being flamed and harassed in that thread by Anonymous posters, and she did not deserve that treatment. Neither did I deserve the abuse I got when I posted there, and I remained civil and calm, even when I was being attacked by multiple people.

Wonder Why, myself, and a few others who were attacked at Irene’s blog and forum did not “play a role” in getting abused. To suggest we were somehow to blame for being attacked is wrong, unfair, and reprehensible.

>Irene is not holding the abusers at her blog responsible, but is shunning and blaming the targets.

Another display of hypocrisy by Wonder Why: several posters there, and I believe “Wonder Why” may have been one of them, insulted me over the fact I often mentioned codependency. (For an explanation of this, see this post: “The Role of Codependency in Friendship“)

However, Wonder Why often manages to make most threads at the forum, even ones that were started by other people, about her. Or, if someone tries to interject something about themselves in a thread she began, Wonder Why gets irate, as in:

This Is a Friendship blog, by Wonder Why

    On May 22nd, 2012 WonderWhy said:
    “This is a Friendship blog. Please take your political agenda somewhere else. I’m irritated that you use MY situation to push your political agenda. Do you know how rude that is? GIve me a break. I’m 41. You are advocating Occupy which is totally inappropriate. Clearly you are bored and looking for any and all forums to push your Occupy agenda regardless of the forum. Unbelievable.”

So it’s okay with Wonder Why to tell people to ‘butt out’ of her threads (and she posted about her own problems in other people’s threads too), but if and when I tried to educated and help people who suffer from codependency in various threads, she (and others) accused me of “thread jacking.” The double standards at that site are incredible.

Blaming Victims For Being Victimized / False Accusation by Blog Owner Dr Irene S Levine

It’s truly disgusting about 90% of what goes on at “The Friendship Blog” – the negativity, the cattiness, people picking on one or two victims and singling them out for abuse until they speak up ask for help, and Irene tells them to get lost – and she wrongly accuses them of violating her site guidelines (post by Irene: “Violator of Blog Guidelines“)

For the record, I never violated Irene’s blog’s guidelines. (I did once paste in excerpts from a news article, with complete citation of my source, but that action is legal under ‘Fair Use’.)

That Friendship Blog and Forum could conceivably be a decent place to post if the blog owner, Irene, would halt the use of Anonymous posting, stop blaming the victims for being victimized, and make all posters act in a civil fashion.

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