Wonder Why, Wonders Why (June 23, 2012)

Please be sure to read the most important post at this blog:
A Warning About The Friendship Blog – Toxic – Unfriendly Bullied Bullies Trolls Dr Irene S Levine

I visited The Friendship Blog today to leave a post for Dr. Irene, the woman who owns the site; it was in response to an inaccurate post she made discussing me.

I have never left a link to this blog (‘The Unfriendly Friendship’ blog) at Irene’s site, but I guess someone else did, since Wonder Why claims she has visited this blog. I did e-mail a link to this blog to someone else, I made sure this blog’s URL was included in web search indexes, etc. The word needs to get out that the “Friendship Blog” can be an unhealthy place to post.

At any rate, while at the “Friendship Forum” today, I saw posts by other people I wanted to comment on at my blog, specifically this thread:

This forum needs a registered moderator
Earlier this month, Wonder Why left a post or two in that thread again (I don’t know if the link will work):

The problem is Irene lets people post Anonymously (posted June 3, 2012)

Here are a few quotes by Wonder Why from that post:

I went to Eagle Wings WordPress blog that was mentioned in a thread and read all of her posts bashing me, as well as bashing Irene’s friendship forum. While I agree with Eagle Wings that Irene needs to take some responsibility rather than continue to let this forum run rampant with trolls like the Wild West, I disagree that I’m the sole problem.

There are many anonymous posters here who create problems in people’s posts because they are an internet troll.

….Eagle Wings’ posts about codependency and her need to clinically label most posters as codependents isn’t the problem. It’s her right to post her opinions just as we all have a right to do that. I’m a little disturbed by the fact that Eagle Wings has written a whole bashing section about my posts here on her WordPress blog.
I’m certainly not the only named poster here who disagreed with Eagle Wings, but because I log in with a username, I become an easy target. If I were anonymous then she would be complaining about anonymous posters.

I never said at this blog or at Irene’s blog that Wonder Why is the “sole problem,” nor do I even give that impression here or at Irene’s blog, so I hope she was not attributing that view to me.

I have acknowledged here and at Irene’s blog many times that big problems with Irene’s Friendship Forums and Blog include the fact that she permits people to post as ‘Anonymous;’ that Irene does not keep order; and, more problematic and upsetting, is that Irene has a terrible tendency to blame victims for being abused, rather than the aggressors who are doing the abusing.

At this blog, I have made a few posts about the problem of permitting people to post as “Anonymous” at Irene’s blog such as:

Anonymous 1 and 2 at The Friendship Blog

A Warning About The Friendship Blog (mentions problems with Anonymous posters)

Since I know that Wonder Why visits this blog now, I wanted to point out a few things:

If you (or anyone) has an issue with me, please take it up with me directly. I have made my e-mail address readily available here and at Irene’s blog many times.

I also stated in the introductory posts at this blog that I will welcome posts by other people (even if they disagree with me – as long as it’s kept civil. Unlike Irene, I will not permit abusive posts).

However, this blog is moderated, and I don’t log in every day to check it. This means if you leave a post, it might be a few weeks before I log in to approve it to appear.

One huge symptom of codependents is that they are afraid of confrontation and will not speak directly to the person they have an issue with.

That Wonder Why keeps posting about me (and not TO me) at Irene’s blog, or that she won’t e-mail me or contact me herself at this one, is another red flag of codependency.

Wonder Why said,

Eagle Wings’ posts about codependency and her need to clinically label most posters as codependents isn’t the problem.

That’s interesting, because the reason Wonder Why gave as for why she blew her gasket at me, got angry with me, and made an entire thread to bad mouth me at the Friendship Forum is that she was perturbed and offended I dare to suggest she might be codependent, and that I gave her some links to sites about the topic.

Now she’s claiming that’s not so? Then what is the reason she made a nasty thread about me at Irene’s site?

I don’t hate Wonder Why, but aspects of her behavior or her unwillingness to apologize or admit to her wrong-doing and that she continues to act like she and she alone was victimized, is a definite put off.

You don’t unjustly erect an entire catty thread about me, when I did nothing to deserve it, especially when I had not even been to that blog in two or three months to defend myself, then have a right to act confused, incredulous or “creeped out” at Irene’s blog, in that:

“How can Eagle Wings have blog pages about me at her blog? That is so disturbing!”

(especially at a blog whose owner has a tendency to delete or censor posts, leaving me no choice but to make my own blog to ensure my posts stay available. It doesn’t take a genius to see why I made this blog).

This commentary at a ‘Psychology Today’ page (by H. E. Marano) reminds me of Wonder Why (in this story, I would be the doctor and Wonder Why is the patient):

The walk-in medical clinic was about to close for the day when Susan Biali got a call from one of her longtime patients. Could the doctor please hang in a bit longer? The caller was feeling very ill and needed to see her immediately. An exhausted Biali extended her already burdensome day and waited for the patient to arrive. Some time later, the woman sauntered in; she was perfectly fine.

She just needed a prescription refill.“She totally lied to me,” the Vancouver doctor recalls. “Afterwards, I was so upset that the degree of my reaction troubled me. I’m a general physician with some training in psychiatry. Yet I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why I was so bothered. I thought it was a flaw in myself.”

Eventually, she identified what set her off: “You think you’re in an innocuous situation—a typical doctor-patient encounter. But the woman took complete advantage of my compassion. Then, not only wouldn’t she acknowledge the lie, but she looked at me blankly and demanded, ‘Can’t you just move on and give me my prescription?’ She made me feel that I was the problem.”

Yep, Wonder Why remains obtuse or oblivious to how her wrong-doing or rudeness affects other people, like the patient in the story – but then she goes on to express confusion or ignorance at how or why you could possibly be upset with her.

As the writer goes on to explain,

[The MO of difficult people such as Wonder Why] is to provoke, then make you feel you have no reason to react—and it’s all your fault to begin with! Feeling deeply discounted, even totally powerless, while having to jettison the original aim of an interaction is a distressing double whammy of social life—and a cardinal sign you’re dealing with a difficult person. No, it’s not you. It’s them. And it’s the emotional equivalent of being mowed down by a hit-and-run driver.

I do agree with Wonder Why on some topics, like these (from the same post cited above):

….I was flamed and trolled aggressively in a recent thread that I created, with no intervention from Irene except for her to write that perhaps I contributed to the problem. Huh? That’s a lame excuse from a forum moderator. I did nothing to invite trolls to my thread. I refused to engage with them despite their vicious attacks.

Clearly Irene refuses to moderate the friendship forum which would clean up a lot of the trolling and post-flaming by anonymous posters.

…Which is why Irene needs to seriously consider changing the security settings here to require everyone to log in with a user name. Her blog here has been runover with trolls and she does little to stop it except to say that the blog is a laboratory for human behavior and that both the troll and the poster are to blame. That isn’t taking responsibility in my opinion for a problem that could easily be fixed with some moderation done and username required.

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