My Response to Inaccurate Post at Friendship Blog

Please be sure to read the most important post at this blog:
A Warning About The Friendship Blog – Toxic – Unfriendly Bullied Bullies Trolls Dr Irene S Levine

I left a post in response to Irene’s post today (June 13, 2012); she is owner of The Friendship Blog (and forums). I don’t know if my response to Irene’s post will remain on Irene’s forum, or if parts of it will be censored, so I will place a copy of it below.

I first wrote about Irene’s false / inaccurate post here, so please see that for background information.

Before I get to that, I wanted to comment on some of the other content I saw in that thread (“This forum needs a registered moderator“) since I last left.

(I have not bothered at this time to read Irene’s new content which she pinned on top of Wonder Why’s original post at some stage, I don’t know when. I did skim what she wrote, but it seemed like a very long excuse and rationalization as to why she permits trolling to continue, such as she cannot “afford to hire a moderator,” and so on.)

One of the first things I noticed is that the trolling has taken off even more. The second half of that page (where I did not post as “Anonymous;” I posted under my screen name “Eagle Wings”) was filled with Anonymous posters either sniping at each other, pretending that they were me, or assuming other Anonymous posters were me (again, I didn’t post as “Anonymous” at that point).
Read the full post »


Wonder Why, Wonders Why (June 23, 2012)

Please be sure to read the most important post at this blog:
A Warning About The Friendship Blog – Toxic – Unfriendly Bullied Bullies Trolls Dr Irene S Levine

I visited The Friendship Blog today to leave a post for Dr. Irene, the woman who owns the site; it was in response to an inaccurate post she made discussing me.

I have never left a link to this blog (‘The Unfriendly Friendship’ blog) at Irene’s site, but I guess someone else did, since Wonder Why claims she has visited this blog. I did e-mail a link to this blog to someone else, I made sure this blog’s URL was included in web search indexes, etc. The word needs to get out that the “Friendship Blog” can be an unhealthy place to post.

At any rate, while at the “Friendship Forum” today, I saw posts by other people I wanted to comment on at my blog, specifically this thread:
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Hard To Make Friends

It is a mystery how some people make friends so easily while others struggle with it their whole lives.

This was also published in Ask Amy today.

    Dear Amy: I’d like some feedback from you and your readers.

    If I meet 100 people, I hit it off with two or three of them and launch a friendship, some 96-97 of them have no particular reaction to me, and then every now and then someone just takes an instant disliking to me — without my ever speaking a word to them.

    What’s up with this? Do other people have this experience or is it just me?

    I’m too embarrassed to ask my friends.

    — Socially Curious

Lazy Friends Who Seldom Take the Iniative – Friends who take you for granted

One of my big pet peeves in friendship is that I am always the one to make an effort… I have usually not been on the receiving end of a friend calling or e-mailing me to try to set up a movie or dinner date.

I used to be so insecure and needy, I would keep tracking down the same friends and calling them. They would hardly ever initiate phone calls, or meet ups. I no longer chase friends down like this; if they don’t e-mail me once in awhile or take the initiative and phone me, I stop calling or visiting them.

When I saw this letter published in the Ask Amy advice column today, I really related to it (only I was the friend who did all the work, I was not the “lazy” friend):

    Dear Amy: “Missing my Friends” wrote about being disappointed when he stopped initiating contact with two close friends and they did not pick up the slack. I was a lazy friend like that.

    I had a friend who went out of town frequently, and would call when she returned. I never initiated contact. Once, a long time passed without hearing from her and even then I didn’t call; assuring myself she would call me.

    She finally did call, and when we got together, I discovered she’d been in town for a couple of months and was about to leave town again for an extended period the next day. I realized I was about to fall off her friendship radar due to my laziness. It was a major wake-up call for me.

    I began initiating more contact and letting her know I valued her friendship and wanted to stay connected. Your advice to Missing, to turn his attention toward people who were better at friendship, was good.

    — A Better Friend Now

The Cess Pool That Is The Friendship Blog / False Accusation

Please be sure to read the most important post at this blog:
A Warning About The Friendship Blog – Toxic – Unfriendly Bullied Bullies Trolls Dr Irene S Levine

A former fellow “Friendship Blog” member e-mailed me recently (again) to tell me to go take another look at the Friendship Blog, at one thread specifically, which I did.

(I discovered on that follow-up visit to the Friendship blog and forum that Dr. Irene Levine made a false accusation about a poster (me), which I discuss towards the end of this post.)

Here was the thread this person wanted me to look at, which is a thread begun by member Wonder Why (see also: Yep, Wonder Why is Codepdendent):

40s and full of acquaintances but no really close friends

The person who e-mailed me thinks Wonder Why sounds nutty in that thread.

The things that struck me about her main post and her follow up posts are as follows:
Read the full post »

Singles and Friendship

There are several very good essays in the Living Single blog at Psychology Today about what it’s like to be never married or single and how that impacts friendships in this blog about singleness.

Some of the essays talk about how older (as in over 30 – 35 years old singles) often get left out of invitations by married couples and ignored.

I do not agree with all views in all essays at the site, but some are interesting.

Here are a few of the essays (all are by Dr Bella DePaulo):

Ditched by Friend Who Got Married: Can You Relate?

What Friends Know That Others Don’t

Do Married Couples Slight Their Family Members as Well as Their Friends?

Family Talk and the Dissing of Friends and Community: Part 3 of Singles with No Kids

Slighting Friends and Family: Do Couples Become Less Couple-y Over Time?

Single Women in 1960s and 1970s TV: What Should We Make of Their Relationships?

Falling In And Out of Friendship

Missing the Point of Friendship and Single Life

The Pain of Being Excluded Because You are Single

Do You Have a Council of Friends?

Oh The Irony – still going strong at The Friendship Blog forums

Please be sure to read the most important post at this blog:
A Warning About The Friendship Blog – Toxic – Unfriendly Bullied Bullies Trolls Dr Irene S Levine


I dropped by ‘The Friendship Blog’ set of forums not too long ago (this is the first time in months) and am amused by the irony I am seeing.

One woman wrote in one of those very long, meandering posts I wrote of earlier (and it’s only a part 1; I can only surmise there is a part two somewhere else on the forum).

The heading of this person’s post? “Ganged Up On.”

Ah yes, myself and a couple of other ladies were ganged up upon by regular members of that very blog.

We were called names, judged, subjected to “mean comments,” etc, all of which makes these newer posts at The Friendship Blog’s forums ironic too:

Friend Made Mean Comments

Judgmental Friends

Have I Been A Jerk?, a post by NYCity12.

Oh, NyCity12, you funny thing you. You’re actually asking a group that is comprised of 98% of jerks if you have been a jerk?

And this dear woman, ajnaT,  is asking a group which consists of 98 – 99% of bullies, about how to deal with bullies? Good luck with that.

Bullying Tactics



As an aside, I am happy to see that the moderators at ‘Psychology Today’ approved of my post where I gave a warning about The Friendship Blog.

My comment appeared on the page about Angelina Jolie.

The comment page to that article: page link

My post specifically: my post on Psychology Today

Yep, Wonder Why is a Codependent

Please be sure to read the most important post at this blog:

A Warning About The Friendship Blog – Toxic – Unfriendly Bullied Bullies Trolls Dr Irene S Levine

I visited the Friendship Blog’s set of forums today (first time in a few months), and I see that “Wonder Why” is still posting there. She really does feel compelled to hand out advice – classic sign of codependency.

Highly amusing is that in a post called ‘Have I Been A Jerk?,’ this person posing the question (“NYCity 12”) got advice from “Wonder Why,” who is one of several, well, jerks, who posts at The Friendship Blog.

Wonder Why’s post in reply: Friendship and Business Don’t Mix.

Wonder Why is one of the more pushy, judgmental, obnoxious members there, who is making what sounds like a clinical diagnosis of other people she’s never met, an activity which she screams at other people for allegedly doing on that blog.

Wonder Why’s post referred to above is date stamped May 17th, 2012. Goodness, she is still posting there, giving advice?

Here’s another reply she gave in another thread date stamped May 12, 2012.

And a thread created May16, 2012 by Wonder Why: Toxic Friend check list.

Wonder Why needs a “Codependent Checklist – Am I Codependent?,” so she can be informed of points such as the following and recognize herself on the list:

  • If I spend most every day or every week at a friendship advice blog constantly dispensing advice, instead of just minding my own business most of the time and living my own life, I am probably codependent | (Source: Eagle Wings, who has read many blogs and a few books by licensed psychologists about codependency);
  • I feel the best about myself when I am giving advice and/or handling a crisis situation. (source);
  • Have a long history of focusing your thoughts and behavior on other people. (source);
  • Are outwardly focused towards others, and know very little about how to direct your own life from your own sense of self. (source);
  • Symptoms of Codependents: S/He feels compelled to help that person solve their problem – Controlling Behaviors: codependents try to control events and people through … threats, advice-giving, manipulation, or domination.
  • Codependency personality disorder is a condition in which a person focuses only living through or for another person, attempting to control the actions of others, attempting to “fix” others (source);
  • [more] symptoms involve fixing or controlling others instead of facing internal pain, and failing to recognize the disease in oneself (source);
  • An “expert” in knowing best how things should turn out and how people should behave, the codependent person tries to control others through overt or covert threats, coercion, compulsive advice giving… (source);
  • the person who is codependent will often give advice without being asked, or will attempt to tell others how they “should” be behaving or feeling. If the other person does not take the advice, the person who is codependent will often feel angry and rejected (source)

How to respond to online haters

Please be sure to read the most important post at this blog:
A Warning About The Friendship Blog – Toxic – Unfriendly Bullied Bullies Trolls Dr Irene S Levine


There are definitely haters and trolls at Dr. Levine’s “Friendship blog,” ( and, unless she has changed things since I was last at her blog (which would be around January 2012), she refuses to do anything to stop them.

Here’s an article which gives tips on how to deal with those type of cretins.

How to respond to online haters

By Andrea Bartz and Brenna Ehrlich, June 2011

The page gives advice on how to handle trolls on Facebook and Twitter, and under the section headed “In the event of an all-out war” we read this:

    The wonderful thing about the Internet is that it encourages everyone to have an opinion — and the horrible thing about the Internet is that it affords everyone the ability to express it.
    As a general rule, if an under-the-bridge dweller sends you a mean e-mail, flames you in the comments section of your blog or pontificates on your unattractiveness under your latest cat grooming tutorial on YouTube, just don’t engage.
    Said bumpy-faced one is looking to get a rise out of you, and executing a counterstrike will only result in more wholly eloquent zingers in the “YOUUUU SUKKKK” vein.
    Sports columnist Jeff Pearlman decided to track down and confront his trolls for a CNN column and found the whole ordeal to be an exercise in futility.
    “It’s sort of like stomping out ants with your foot,” he says. “It works temporarily, but then the ants come back even stronger. Truthfully, you’re better off pretending these people don’t exist. Because they’re crying to be noticed; to have the platform you have. Engage them, you make their wish come true.”
    Still, that doesn’t mean you have to suffer in martyred silence all the time.
    “We should remember that any information attached to our name, whether it’s accurate information we supply ourselves without thinking or mean-spirited and inaccurate statements made about us by haters, is going to stay online forever,” says Aboujaoude. “That is why standing up to hecklers can be an important part of maintaining our online reputation.”
    A simple fix is simply deleting any outright racist, rude or misogynistic comments from your own personal domains, or flagging abusive sentiments on the domains of others, and then contacting the webmaster. Or, you could be a little more creative.
    There have been some instances in which folks have stood up to trolls in a manner that entirely obliterated the original slight.

Article about Friends Breaking Up with Friends and Advice on How to Do It

Please be sure to read the most important post at this blog:
A Warning About The Friendship Blog – Toxic – Unfriendly Bullied Bullies Trolls

It’s Not Me, It’s You [A page about friendship break ups, from The New York Times]

If you would like to read the whole page, please click on that link.

Comments left by visitors to the page, which appear at the bottom of it, are also illuminating.

I see some of the same bitterness there by women that I saw at Dr. Irene’s “Friendship Blog.” Some women cannot handle or accept that a friend has broken up with them, or that friendship break ups are a part of life, so they become very bitter, angry people.

Here are a few high lights from the page:

    by Alex Williams
    January 28, 2012

    ….Not so in the real world. Even though research shows that it is natural, and perhaps inevitable, for people to prune the weeds from their social groups as they move through adulthood, those who actually attempt to defriend in real life find that it often plays out like a divorce in miniature — a tangle of awkward exchanges, made-up excuses, hurt feelings and lingering ill will.

    ….People start “dropping ‘starter friends’ from the early bachelor days, or early work associates, or early couples with little children like yours,” said Mr. Horchow, who wrote “The Art of Friendship: 70 Simple Rules for Making Meaningful Connections”…

    Psychologists consider it an inevitable life stage, a point where people achieve enough maturity and self-awareness to know who they are and what they want out of their remaining years, and have a degree of clarity about which friends deserve full attention and which are a drain. It is time, in other words, to shed people they collected in their youth, when they were still trying on friends for size.
    Read the full post »